[Fanny:]
Listen,
I´ve got thirty-six expressions--
Sweet as pie to tough as leather,
And that´s six expressions more
Than all them Barrymores put together.
Instead of just kicking me
Why don´t they give me a lift?
It must be a plot,
´Cause they´re scared that I got
Such a gift--well, I´m miffed--´cause
I´m the greatest star--
I am by far, but no one knows it!
Wait, they´re gonna hear a voice,
A silver flute--ah hah, ah hah--
They´ll cheer each toot
(Yay! She´s terrific!)
When I expose it!
Now, can´t you see to look at me
That I´m a nach´ral Camille?
As Camille I just feel
I´ve so much to offer.
Kid, I know I´d be divine because
I´m a nach´ral cougher.
(coughs)
Some ain´t got it--not a lump,
I´m a great big clump of talent!
Laugh!
They´ll bend in half.
(Did you ever hear the story about the traveling salesman?)
A thousand jokes:
Stick around for the jokes,
A thousand faces.
I reiterate,
When you´re gifted,
Then you´re gifted,
These are facts--I got no axe to grind.
Hey, what are they--blind?
In all of the world so far
I´m the greatest star!
Who is the pip with piz-azz?
Who is all ginger and jazz?
Who is as glamorous as?
Who´s an American Beauty rose
With an American Beauty nose,
And ten American Beaty toes,
Eyes on the target, and wham--
One shot, one gun shot and bam!
Hey, Mr. Ziegfeld, here I am!
I´m the greatest star,
I am by far,
But no one knows it!
That´s why I was born--
I´ll blow my horn
Till someone blows it!
I´ll light up like a light
Right up like a light
I´ll flicker, then flare up
All the world´s gonna stare up
Lookin´ down
You´ll never see me--
Try the sky,
´Cause that´ll be me.
I can make ´em cry,
I can make ´em sigh,
Someday they´ll clamor
For my dram-er.
Have you guessed yet,
Who´s the best yet?
If you ain´t I´ll tell you one more time.
You bet your last dime
In all of the world so far
I´m the greatest, greatest star!